Video games are primarily for entertainment, but is there perhaps a cruel secret behind the heroes and saviors of these digital worlds!? From Minecraft to Skyrim, no game is truly innocent! We clarify and confront you with unpleasant truths.
If you sit down and try to break down the core story of a game into a sentence or two, sometimes something really strange will come out of it. If a pinch of humor is added, the game descriptions are pretty funny – and different. They almost expand the horizon and create new perspectives.
In the Uncharted series, you take on the role of Nathan Drake, a racist mass murderer who finds, plunders and destroys undiscovered historically valuable cities while eradicating population-sized enmities in small states.
In Minecraft you play as an antisocial, immoral builder who doesn’t care about the landscape and nature – you clear forests, mine resources, leave holes everywhere just to build your own castle.
Enjoy Skyrim in which you play as a psychopath who trudges into every cave, fortress or ruin and massacres every living thing inside.
In Pac-Man, you’re nonstop popping pills, running from ghosts, and listening to repetitive electronic music—oh, you’re a yellow circle, too.
Mass Effect’s Commander Shepard is a well-known lecher and womanizer who believes that the salvation of the galaxy lies in his crewmates’ underwear and that’s why he wants to get laid.
In the Saints Row games, you’re mostly a crackpot who makes people’s day by beating them “topless” with a giant purple dildo.
In The Witcher 3, after about half an hour, you lose interest in rescuing your adopted daughter. You prefer to play cards, collect them meticulously and therefore hang around in dive bars.
As Link in The Legend of Zelda adventures, you play as a deranged adventurer who wants to save the world by smashing other people’s pottery, beating their chickens and then going fishing.
As a Pokémon trainer, you play a sadistic underage abuser who enslaves free-roaming wild creatures and then makes them fight each other to the death for glory and money.
Watch dogs – take on the role of a sociopathic hacker who kills people at random or drains their bank accounts just because he’s angry that his niece died.
In Portal you are a cheeky, unstable guinea pig who persistently destroys scientific and technical achievements once and for all.
In the GTA games you are the most psychopathic criminal in the history of mankind, who basically never dies in intensive care and constantly bribes the police to set him free with all his weapons.
As Mario you play in the Super Mario series a plumber obsessed with vengeance who jumps on the heads of harmless creatures because his girlfriend left him for a turtle. She also constantly claims that she was “kidnapped”.
In the games of the Call of Duty series you are powerful like the true god of war! You destroy thousands of enemy soldiers, recover from gunshot wounds in seconds, and even rise from the dead.
I hope you didn’t take all this too seriously. After all, everything here is written with a wink. Interesting prospects, aren’t they?